PDF I was watching Oprah this week, a security expert called Gavin de Becker was guesting. He is an expert in personal security, initally for public figures…then recently thought that his approach could be useful for another group of people at risk from violence – women in abusive relationships.
He had brought a client with him, one of a group of women at risk that had inspired him to set up a new system called ‘Mosaic’, a self-assessment tool to allow women at risk in an abusive relationship, or those who had left an abusive relationship, to develop an awareness of the risks to their personal safety from the existing or ex-relationship.
Gavin had bought a guest with him, a very brave lady who was lucky enough to be alive to tell her story. On visiting her violent ex-husband to pick up their children as part of a joint custody agreement, he invited her into his house. She thought this was odd, and had ‘an odd feeling’ about it, but entered the door. Sadly, she was beaten, duct taped and put in a trash can packed with snow. Her ex then packed her into the back of the truck, took the children with him, and drove across state lines to dump her inside a storage unit. Somehow this lady was able to make a phone call using her cell phone (still in her back pocket), and was ultimately saved 20 hours later due to some excellent police work.
So, this may sound like an extreme story – and an incredibly sad one - to put out on a personal energy practice blog…but…a quote Gavin de Becker made really resonated with me and I had an immediate sense of how we can connect some useful lessons from this story to our own personal boundaries, energetically speaking. He said that “In our culture, when men say ‘No’ they mean No, when women say ’No’ it’s a sign to start negotiating”. A contentious statement, but one that bears a lot of truth.
In case of the lady that nearly died, because of the cultural consensus she allowed her personal boundaries to be crossed a number of times with this relationship despite a balanced upbringing at home. For example, her husband hit her on the honeymoon over a small argument, and although her initial response was to call her parents and leave, she thought it through and didn’t act. This continued throughout the marriage, until finally, with two children by her side, she realised it was time to leave. Another comment from the show was interesting too – “We are the only animals on the planet that second-guess our own instincts”. So for example, an antelope has a ‘funny feeling’ about a clump of bushes, and so doesn’t go there (a leopard is lurking), it doesn’t say to itself “Oh, I have a funny feeling…but I must be wrong….I’ll go there anyway!”
As somebody who regularly experiences energetic phenomena and believes that knowing myself as an energetic being is a useful practice, I have become increasingly aware of when my boundaries are being pushed, thrummed, resonated, stretched and (okay, I admit it) crossed!
When living in London as an 18 year old with a new job, I swiftly realised that my normal energetic posture from a small coastal UK town was not serving me well in the ‘big smoke’. I was stared at, approached, and generally bothered on public transport by the local male population who ’sensed’ something different about me. (By the way guys reading this, please avoid thinking that this is intended as a man-bashing post…I think men and women can learn a lot from personal boundary work to help us all evolve – but I am a woman so must speak from that experience). So I started to notice (at a subconscious level) how other more ‘city type’ women were acting, and how to move from that space. At that time, I had also just started to work with affirmations, so wrote a few and said them in my head whilst on public transport. For example ‘I am safe and whole’. ‘I am capable and independent and know where I’m going’. ‘I attract only positive interactions with others’. The energy of the words running through my brain started to shift my posture and attitude, and within a month or so, no more trouble. As an added confidence booster, I took a course in self-defense at my workplace, that helped too. 
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So, from an Personal Energy Practice perspective, how can we know when someone else’s energy is crossing, or threatening to cross, our own personal boundaries? From learning to become a practitioner of the EMF (ElectroMagnetic Field) Balancing Technique®, I was taught that the Universal Calibration lattice, or UCL® extends for 2 feet, or 24 inches, all around our bodies. Feel, sense, imagine or think about this golden field extending all around your body and ask yourself the following questions:-
- When this field is physically touched or breached by others….
- How do you feel in your body when this happens to you, dependent on who the other person is?
- Is there any sense of being hit, kicked or compressed in the gut?
- Do you have a sense of a person’s energy strongly pushing upon you even if they’re further away? (E.g. eye contact, feeling like someone is watching you and looking up to see that they are? A sense that somebody is strongly present but the feeling is unpleasant, even if they’re not physically close or present?)
- A sense that energy is moving over very personal areas of the body?
- A sense of discomfort, pressure, suffocation or an immediate desire to leave the vicinity?
- A feeling that something is ‘hooking’ into you?
From the perspective of personal safety, these are all key signs that something is up. At this point, it’s best to act like an antelope and go with the gut – stay away from the bush at all costs! A few years ago I was interviewing some people to clean my house before a house move, and they were a husband and wife couple. As soon as I answered the door I literally felt assaulted or ‘kicked in the gut’ by the man’s energy (sorry again, guys, female perspective here!). My oldest daughter, aged 2 at the time, immediately said “I don’t like that man, mommy” and hid behind me. A voice in my head said ‘He’s casing the joint’ – by which I mean I felt like he was checking the place over to see if anything was worth stealing. It was as if immediately the door opened, his energy came in, whizzed through the house and me, without being invited. But being the ‘wise’ adult I stuffed my own senses down and invited them in (mustn’t be rude). After an uncomfortable interview, they left, and the woman called me later. She said “We didn’t get the job, did we?” And then went on to say that many people mentioned how uncomfortable her husband’s energy made them, and how he needed to do something about it.
When in public places, consider what you are putting out there with your own personal energy. It’s a conscious choice, and sometimes hard to do when we’re stressed and in a hurry, but it will make a difference. IMHO so many people in our society are out of their bodies one way and other (cell phones, worries, distractions and possibly no experience of how a personal energy practice can help shift awareness). Making shifts in yourself can definitely ready other people for change, and bring them back into their bodies.
As an individual energetic being on the road to a regular Personal Energy Practice, try this the next time you are in the Post Office line or at the grocery store.
Say to yourself ‘I give intent to know myself as an energetic being’. Breathe deeply, and imagine your energy field extended around you up to 24 inches, or two feet away. Give yourself some protection, surround yourself with an imaginary pink bubble, in my experience, this helps me to sense, but not take on, other people’s energies. Notice what you sense, feel, think, imagine, see, or hear in your head. Set a conscious intent to look through your eyes, not just be behind them. This will also change your internal experience of the world.
There are many ways to manage personal boundaries and this is a huge subject for discussion. As multi-dimensional, energetic beings, we must make daily and moment-by-moment decisions on how we manage our boundaries with others as appropriate. As a first step on this journey, gaining an awareness of our own personal energetic boundaries helps us to know ourselves and others better, and to be aware when it safe to be open, and when it is appropriate to put those boundaries up.
Link to Mosaic tool on Oprah website http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/MOSAIC-Gavin-de-Beckers-Online-Threat-Assessment-Tool
Link to EMF Worldwide community website http://www.emfworldwide.com
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